Alternative Lyrics to Well Known Songs 42 - Still Can't Get Laid

('Still Can't Get Laid' is based on 'All Around the World' by Lisa Stansfield)

This weeks 'alternative lyrics post' is a cautionary tale about one naive youngster who fell for Roosh V's spiel about 'game', the PUA lifestle, and how to score with women.

The youngster in this tale follows Roosh's advice down to the letter: he bought Roosh's book, flew out to Asia (where the so-called 'easy' women are), he adopted the 'Dark Triad' persona, etc etc, and despite this he still couldn't get laid.  Yet despite our heroes failure to score he blames himself for his failings and not Roosh's bad advice.  This is a sad fact about gurus (sex, orlifestyle, or personality, or business or whatever) that the people who follow them sometimes blame themselves for failing to succeed instead of blaming the guru and their duff advice.  Alas, it's just the way it is - the naive getting ripped off.  The unfortunate truth is that some folk have to learn the hard way - by first hand experience.

I don't know how to score with women, so I don't blog about it.  Roosh doesn't know about getting laid either (it costs him $6,500 per woman, and roughly 3-8 women per year), so he shouldn't blog about it either.  He should blog about microbiology and bacteria or whatever he did before become a full time shyster.  It would save a lot of men a lot of wasted time and effort.  Time and effort that they could spend on their own lives rather than throwing it away imitating some charlatan's fictional life.  Blogging about microbiology would also benefit Roosh because he would be informing the world of information about topics that he does know about rather than polluting the world with lies about topics that he doesn't know about.

Now, on to the music!  And before you say anything yes, yes, yes, I 'know' it 's a Lisa Stansfield track.  You don't need to rub it in.  "Lisa Stansfield!  What 'are' you thinking of?!" you say.  "I'm a child of the '80's..." I say, "...I can't help it!  It was everywhere when I was growing up: it was on the radio in the car, in the house, in the supermarket.  After a while it gets into your bones like a bad dose of radioactive fallout!"  On the up side it has provided me with the opportunity to write lyrics about social issues to pop-songs which are as cheesey as you like (which lightens the whole mood).

It has also taught me that young whipper-snappers learn song lyrics almost subconsciously, probably because of the emotion of the song (the music and the singers inflection); and they often learn those lyrics better than boring subjects that they are taught in school, again probably because of the presence of emotion (emotions are important in memory formation).  I'm sure you can all sing a verse or two of Don McCleans American Pie easy enough, but how many of you can remember what you learnt in eighth grade chemistry?  Difficult innit?!  That's emotions doing there thing: aiding the formation and recall of memories.

Play the music video above and sing along using the alternative lyrics given below.


# Still Can't Get Laid #
I don't know how to get laid.
But I know that, somewhere, somehow.
I'm gonna get lucky with Roosh's advice.
I'll never give up looking to get laid.

Been around the world and I, I, I.
I still can't get laid yeah.
I don't know yeah I don't know why.
Why I can't get laid.
'cos I did everything he told me, old Roosh V.
So it must be me.

I read his book, and I flew out West.
I followed his instructions, right down to the bone.
And I was oh oh so bad.
And I did the whole dark triad thing, mm mmm.
Roosh gave the reason, the reason to be bad.
And he said "being bad-ass is how to score."
And that he was oh oh so bad.
And that's how he got ho's in the sack, in the sack.

I couldn't score at home.
It was all forlorn.
Now I'm here in Bangkok, I, I, I..

Been around the world and I, I, I.
I still can't get laid yeah.
I don't know yeah I don't know why.
Why I can't get laid.
'cos I did everything he told me, old Roosh V.
So it must be me.

So much time wasted, in the wrong bars.
I was a fool, the biggest fool of all.
And now I'm oh oh so bad
Yet still can't score in the sack, in the sack.

I couldn't score at home.
It was all forlorn.
Now I'm here in Bangkok, I, I, I..

Been around the world and I, I, I.
I still can't get laid yeah.
I don't know yeah I don't know why.
Why I can't get laid.
'cos I did everything he told me, old Roosh V.
So it must be me.

Been around the world and I, I, I.
I still can't get laid yeah.
I don't know yeah I don't know why.
Why I can't get laid.
'cos I did everything he told me, old Roosh V.
So it must be me.
I need to find him, old Roosh V.

I couldn't score at home.
It was all forlorn.
Now I'm here in Bangkok, I, I, I..

Been around the world and I, I, I.
I still can't get laid yeah.
I don't know yeah I don't know why.
Why I can't get laid.
'cos I did everything he told me, old Roosh V.
So it must be me.


[End of lyrics.]