Monday 9 September 2013

Alternative Lyrics to Well Known Songs: 3 - Worst Friend

[Pre-amble: This is one in a series of posts which includes an alternative set of lyrics to a well known song.  Each post will also contain a short introduction to the topic at hand, and a brief explanation of the song itself.  A video of the original song will be included so that the reader can listen to the original song while reciting the alternative lyrics at the same time.]

The Song: Worst Friend (based on Best Friend by Queen)
Porn can be a real bitch if it controls you rather than you controlling it.  It can turn you into an addict just like every other drug based substance if it gets too much for you.  It can screw up both your mind and body up if you indulge it too frequently.  The psychological damage is documented on websites like yourbrainonporn (though beware of the subtle mis-andric attitude of this website that attacks male sexuality but not female sexuality).  Then there's the physical damage that 'can' occur if you masturbate.  Excess masturbation can cause the muscles on either side of the penis to degrade and become mis-shapen (possibly in the same way that weight lifters report about 'muscle fatigue' if they spend too long weight lifting in the gym).  It's what happens when a muscle is over worked, it suffers, just like any other part of your body.  This psychological damage and physiological damage are both the result of porn, and both the result of giving into sexual desire whenever they felt aroused. 

Now porn isn't really the cause of the problem, rather giving in to 'desires' is the problem.  Just because you feel aroused or hungry or angry doesn't mean that you need to let those impulses run riot.  You have the ability to 'Choose'.  That, the element of exerting a Willful Choice, is the important point to remember.  The Neo-Cortex is on top of the amydala for a reason: so that humans can 'Choose' what they want to do, rather than just 'following their instincts' like an animal.  If a man follows his sexual impulses 'all of the time' then he is likely to suffer psychological and physiological damage because of it, damage like the man written about in this song.

This may lead some to think that being an ascetic is the only life to advocate, the life of self-denial, but this is not the case.  Self-denial is a negative and reactionary way of looking at life, where someone allows their life to be dictated by something else (e.g. sex).  The positive and actionary way of looking at life is a pro-active one, where a person 'affirms' a particular way of living instead of focussing on the negative/denial aspect all the time.  In practical terms this means 'doing something' enjoyable rather than focussing on 'not doing something'.  If you focus on not doing something for your whole life, it'll be less pleasant than choosing a life affirming and active one.

Play the song and sing along to the lyrics below.

# Worst Friend #
(Ooh you're making me jizz.)
Even though it's really bad for me.
With you and you're porn films.
(Ooh you're making me jizz now porn-queen.)
(Ooh you're making me jizz.)
Ohh you're the worst friend that I've ever had.
You've debased for a long time.
You're my nemesis.
And I want you to know that my penis is blue.
It really hates you.
You're my worst friend.

(Ooh you're making me jizz.)
Oooh, I've been w-a-anking all night.
Cumming all over you.
Cum-rains all night, and you've tired me girl.
Unhappy at home.
You're my worst friend.

(Ooh you're making me jizz.)
You're tantalising is so cruel to me.
It arouses me but yet frustrates.
Ooh you're making me jizz now porn-queen.
Ooh you're making me jizz.

Ohh you're the first one that I jacked off-to.
It's fucked my mind up so badly.
That I'm impotent now and can't get hard.
I really ha-a-ate what you've done to me.
You're my worst friend.

(Ooh you're making me jizz.)

(Unhappy at home.)
You're my worst friend.


You're my worst friend.

(Ooh you're making me jizz.)
(Ooh you're my worst friend.)

[End of lyrics.]

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